There are days when I don’t really like my life. Well, it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s that I don’t find it all that impressive. It usually happens around the time I see my sister. She showed up on Thanksgiving and wouldn’t you know it, I’ve been cry-y all day. She noticed that I had lost weight, but freaked when she found out I was off of my low carb diet. She asked me if I was engaged yet and then proceeded to tell me that I should wait six years before getting married. I guess she really doesn’t want me to have children. I’ll be 36 by then. That’s a little old for that type of thing. Mom had us when she was 30 and 32 and was the oldest mom at the bus stop. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t want kids. Not that I know when I’ll every get proposed to. Tom is insisting on buying me a diamond even though I’ve told him that I’d be perfectly happy with an Epiphany engagement ring. Then again, I don’t know how I would afford a wedding. I have so much debt. And I never could afford one that could compare to my sister’s. I do have a gorgeous wedding gown that I love with all the trimmings (though I would have to find the shoes), but…I don’t know. She had her’s at Phipp’s Conservatory. I could never afford a place that nice. She had everything so nice. Our CA relatives (and their children from various parts of the US) flew/drove in for her wedding. Including our 92 year old grandfather. I don’t think they’d do that for mine. Debbie flies out and sees all of them all the time. She knows our cousins and our cousins children. I don’t. They would come out if Grandpa was coming because we all know our time is short with him. If he came to this coast for anything (cause most of the cousins are in MA area) they’d come for it. I don’t think he’ll be around in 6 years. Of course, it may be six years before I can afford a wedding. Tom wants a big wedding, too. I’m thinking more of sneaking off to Vegas or Fl or one of the Carolinas and getting married. Maybe on the beach. No pressure. I’d fail, but I wouldn’t fail in front of everyone else.

I feel so lonely these days. I rarely see anyone. People are too busy to see me. They have families and children and lives. I don’t think I have much in common with them anymore. We have memories, but they all are from years gone by (think high school and college). They don’t invite me places (though the Steel City Knitter did invite me for Thanksgiving). Once again I feel like I don’t belong. Tom loves me, but he’s away for most of the week and goes to bed before I get off of work every night. Mom loves me, but she’s an hour away and again, goes to bed before I get off of work. Dad and Kathy love me, but I think they are the busiest of them all. Kit Kit and Jack love me. I get kisses from them. But I’m having a rough day and I don’t feel loved right now.

All through growing up great things were expected of me. I was an honor’s student, in GATE clases and advanced science and math courses. I sang, which I don’t do anymore. I was in musicals. I performed. I took part in things. I was in advanced classes in college as well. It was expected that I would go into math or science and do great things, make money, and make people proud. I didn’t do that. I changed from meteorology to English in college and then dropped out. I started temping and fell in love with data entry. I got a good job at a bank downtown earning a lot of money and I didn’t like it. I hated it, in fact. So I went back to data entry. I moved up in my data entry position and am now making more than I did at the bank job, but come on – it’s data freakin’ entry. Not complicated. Not difficult, unless you count reading handwriting as difficult. Although, it’s not. I love my job. I do it ten hours a day, four days a week. I’m fairly good at it, too. But I don’t do anything special, or complicated, or important. Debbie went to college, learned to fly, graduated early, got a job as a pilot, moved up in the ranks, married a pilot, has a house, makes money, is not in debt, and doesn’t have a huge list of failures in her portfolio. The only ones of those that I’ve done is gone to college and moved up in the ranks. Not especially impressive. And apparently I’m bossy, too. And know-it-all. Both Mom and Tom said I was. No wonder the ones who truly want me around are Tom, Mom, Jack, and Kit Kit. I don’t think I would want me around either.

I’m sure the first thing y’all are wondering about is my (not-so) new job. Well, my vacation was great and I had a great birthday. Yes, I am now the big 3-0. Not so bad, IMHO. Tom was even home that week, although he didn’t get paid for it. *shakes fist at trucking company* He got me Bath and Body Works items – candles, etc. I *love* their candles. Especially Cinnamon Stick and Spice. (BTW, Spice candles are available in select stores! Yippee!)

Now, where was I? Hmm…oh yeah. The job!

I am now an order entry technician or an order completion technician, depending on who you ask and who’s doing the talking. *rolls eyes* I work 2 pm to 12:30 am EST (or EDT, depending on the time of the year). I really like. I’m more awake during work. Much more awake. I’m much more awake driving to and from work as well. I stay up to anywhere between 2 am and 4 am-ish most nights, so if you’re up late (or early, depending on your view of the world) feel free to plurk, lj, fb, tweet, im, etc. me. Training was great. Well, except for the tooth incident, but that’s another post. I started with another header tech and that was it. After two weeks of formal training, we were put out on the floor with buddies. After two weeks with the buddies, we were thrown to the wolves. Well, not really. We do have leads to ask questions to and supervisors, although there was a week when H was on vacation, RW went home sick, and that Thursday N didn’t come in either. Trying times. We did get rid of some of the stupider HE rules. We don’t have to shelf things unless we have a question and can’t find someone one. We’re allowed to return things (though we’re not allowed to cherry pick). And at the end of the work day we can return and leave. Since C (my fellow HE Tech) and I were on probation for the job but not initial probation for the company, we’re still allowed to start 5 minutes early and leave 5 minutes early, which is essential if you want a fast van trip. (Yes, I still ride the van but it’s not as much of a hassle) It strikes me as funny. When I worked 7-530, the first van was always filled up with HE techs. Very few OE techs made it into the first van, despite the fact that they are closer to the exit. Now that I’m on the late shift, OE techs get the first van (and we squish in if needed – the other van driver [if he's there at all] doesn’t leave until after 12:30, so you end up sitting in the van waiting which sucks) and I don’t see hide nor hair of the he techs. Of course, they often get VTO, so they might just not be there.

One of the things I was worried about was my speed. I know that one HE tech who tried to go to OE was sent back because she wasn’t fast enough. Well, it’s better than losing the job, it still sucks. Well, I need to have no worries. At two months after starting I’m well past the point where I would need to be as a regular employee. I’m in the seventies and they’re expected to be about 65. Now I just have to get my errors under control. I’m at 7+ thousand parts per million and I need to be between 3 and 4 thousand parts per million. My major problem is directions so I’m endeavoring to pay more attention to that aspect of the prescriptions.

I guess the most important thing is that I love it. I love it a lot more than HE and I loved HE. OE is more challenging, more complicated and a lot more fun. At least, IMHO. Now we just need to stop running out of work. We keep getting VTO, and although we’ve had enough work to enable me to work till the end of the shift, I keep getting nervous that we will run out. Another good thing – we get bonuses this week, which I should get because I did work for the company last quarter when it was earned. It is a 2.31% bonus (the highest I’ve ever seen) and it should be paid out based on my OE salary. Woohoo! Another perk? I work M-R, which means every week I have Friday off. This week I get Thanksgiving off as well. Four day weekend FTW! Although I will be working for a half hour on Thanksgiving since my shift doesn’t end until 12:30 am. Hmmm….I wonder if I get OT for working on the holiday? Somehow I doubt it. Oh well. It still rocks!

I got it! I got it! I got the OE Tech position!  Two weeks ago I applied for, and last Friday I tested for, an Order Entry Technician position at Medco.  I currently work as a Header Entry technician, which are the people who look at the addresses, and patients’ names, and doctors, etc., but who do not read the actual prescription.  An OE Tech actually enters the drug on the script, along with the directions for taking the drug.  After visiting the OE tech, the rx goes to two pharmacists who verify the drug and fill it before it is sent out.  I think it will be an over $4.00 an hour pay raise (either two Mondays from now or at the end of December) and it’s a new shift.  It is a M-R 2-1230 shift. I get a shift differential with that one which should add at least another $1 to my hourly wage.  No more waking up at 430 in the morning!  No more working Saturdays unless it’s for OT!  And OE gets a heck of a lot more OT than HE does.  And not as much VTO (voluntary, unpaid time off).  Yay!

We were given VTO today at  about 12:20 and since I was sitting next to my friend Taryn and we have a pact to not go on VTO anymore, I stayed for the rest of the day.  We got a lot of crappy stuff to work on but it lasted for most of the day.  We were actually getting work from Monday and Sunday, if you can believe that!  Then we were getting tons of checks to process, something which doesn’t count towards our quota.  I had heard that I would hear about the position in one of two ways – a slip of paper in my mailbox at work or being paged and informed.  I got back from the bathroom at about 514 and not even two minutes later I’m paged to call 0.  So I call and Julie informs me that I passed the OE skills assessments and when can I start the 28th or the Monday after.  I tell her I’m on vacation next week, so the following Monday it is, as long as management approves of it.  I haven’t a clue as to what schedule I’ll be working during training or how many people are being trained along with me.  As far as I’ve been able to find out I’m the only one who took the assessments, though Julie was doing a tour of what looked like potential new employees today, so there could be more people than just me.

I’m so happy, excited, and relieved.   And my parents (well, at least my Mom) is proud of me.  :D

I’m out with Tom today at Subway when I get a call.  It’s Julie from Medco.  Remember that OE Tech position I applied for?  Well, on Friday I take the typing and skills test for it.  I have a packet of info to study, which I luckily got on Monday.  We had some downtime and I was reviewing the information I had copied from the OE Tech job aids and the girl sitting next to me told me about the packet of info available from the receptionist.  I went and got it.  Good thing, too, since the next time I will be in at work to be able to get it is Friday, which is when I take the test.  Especially since I take the test at 9:15 am and 9 am is when the receptionist comes in.  Yeah, that would not be good.  So here’s hoping!

On Tuesday right before I left I heard that HR had posted an OE Tech position.  I was unable to look at it that day and Wednesday I didn’t work. I heard it was a night position, which worried me a bit, but I was planning on looking into it.  I am a header entry tech. I enter the demographic information in a prescription order – the name, address, doctor’s name, doctor’s address, patient’s name and dob, etc.  I don’t deal with the actual scripts.  OE techs enter the prescription information.  At least three people will look at the prescription – the OE tech and two pharmacists.  OE techs get paid more and have what I think is a more challenging position.  I checked out the board this morning and lo and behold there was an OE tech position posted.  It’s M-R 2-12:30.  I like an evening shift – I had one when I worked for the post office through Manpower.  Evening shifts also get a shift differential of 7.5%, which is helpful.  It would mean no more working Saturdays.  So far, as long as I’ve been there, there has been no OE VTO and most days OE has OT.  This makes me happy.  It will be a couple of months before I can work OT, if I get the position, but I would still be getting that shift differential.  I’m hoping and praying that I get it.  I just applied (I had to use Tom’s email since it wouldn’t accept mine!) so wish me luck!  I have to take a test before I find out if I get it.  The whole process should take about a month, I think.  I’ll be crossing my fingers!

Well, I’m just about finished with my second bout of physical therapy and feel well enough to try and exercise.  I did the 1 mile Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds Express this morning.  I debating doing it again later today. I was able to do it with the stretchy band which gave a real workout to my arms.  It took about 20 minutes – 15 min workout and about 5 min cool down.  I worked up a sweat, which is a good sign for a work out.  I’m trying to lose weight and inches.  Of course, baking cookies isn’t helping, but I’ll mainly eat them with my lunches. I’ve stopped all snacking at work (which can be rough during those first six hours!) and I’m working on smaller portions.  I’m eating healthier foods (ham and potato chip sandwiches vs canned ravioli and meatballs).  I have to move furniture around to work out, which is a little extra exercise in my corner.  If I get up at 4 or 4:15, I should be able to walk the mile before work.  That would be good.  I just recently bought new walking shoes (they have sparklies on them!).  I want to try to get in shape, not only for me but for Tom as well.  He never criticizes me for being over weight and says I’m perfect, but according to For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (I love her book and feel it’s essential to understanding guys.  I know it helps me in my relationship with Tom.  I’d recommend it to any woman, as I would recommend For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn to any man.) how a woman looks is important to a man.  Not that a woman needs to be skinny, but that they need to take care of themselves.  I haven’t been taking very good care of myself and I’m trying to do better.  He deserves it, even if I don’t.

Well, it’s time for another edition of “An Update”  using Michelle’s famous +/- rating system.

+I survived my sister’s wedding. It was beautiful and went well (except for the helicoptors).  She had a wonderfully choreographed first dance, a perfect cake cutting, and wonderful food.  And my 92 year-old grandfather has some great moves!

-I ended up in the er afterwards with pains in my side.  Diagnosis – musculoskeletal pain.  Go see your doctor.

+/-We were over an hour early for the wedding.  We saw both my mother and my sister arrive, along with my mother’s family.  But we did get to talk.

-I had a breakdown after the wedding (at 3 am) and was crying for an hour.  I upset Tom, too.  I also forgot to take one of my pills.

+I skipped work and went to my sister’s picnic on Friday and got to see a bunch of people.

-I skipped work and went to my sister’s picnic on Friday and got to see a bunch of people.

-I got sick at the picnic on Sunday.

-I didn’t feel very good for dinner at Cooky’s.

-Tom hasn’t gotten many miles this week.

+I survived two days of work and we didn’t have VTO.

+We get a bonus this week which should make up for the VTO that was called last week.

-I’ve had reviewer access at work for three weeks and have yet to be trained in it.

+I got a dress from my mother that I wore to the wedding.

+We got Tom an outfit cheaply.

+I got to slow dance with Tom.

-We were both feeling too poorly to dance otherwise.

-I don’t know how I’ll ever have a wedding that can compare to my sister’s wedding.

-I don’t think I do anything anymore to make someone proud.  Unless you count going to work, and, well really, I don’t.

-I had to get up early on my day off for my appt with Melissa.

+I had a good appt with Melissa.

-Tom’s not planning on coming home this weekend.

+I don’t have to work tomorrow.

-I have to work on Saturday and have to get up at 3:30 am to do so.

+I love Mouse Hunt on Facebook.

+I’m planning on taking part in NaNoWriMo in November.

-I have to come up with a new story.

Finances are depressing. I got a raise earlier in the summer, but I now get paid less money. Someone figure that out for me, please. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the money to tithe, pay my bills, get gas, and get groceries. Tom bought me groceries for this week, but I haven’t a clue what to do after that. I have a huge bill due at the beginning of next month and there is no OT to help me gather money to pay it. I’ve just done an estimate of my bills through this time next month and it’s not pretty. I don’t know what to do to change things. I try hard, but there never seems to be enough money. I don’t know what to do. Honestly, it depresses me and makes me want to give up. I don’t like feeling that way.

The answer is yes. I think. It’s been busy around here. I’ve been working, but not working OT. I did get my bonus which means we’ll be able to pay rent this month. All my bills are paid for June and though July is started, I have to pay some more. I did see my finish my physical therapy. Yes, I’m finally done with the neck tortue. I start therapy next week. This is good, I think. I saw my phychiatrist and she yelled at me, of course. She wouldn’t let me stop the risperidol, which is what I want to do. I was told that after two to three months symptoms come back. It’s been three months, though, and my symptoms are pretty much not here. Read the rest of this entry »

I didn’t work OT today. I was sick this morning so I stayed home. We didn’t go to Johnstown either. We didn’t want to get the baby sick. I lost my bluetooth. The house is a mess and I didn’t get a bath tonight. I want to cry. We went and saw my dad and Kathy. The food was good, the talking was good, and it was good to see them. I just wish we hadn’t been there so late. They gave me bubble bath and I would have liked to have used it. Life sucks.