Do you see the egg on my face?  And where’s that crow I’m going to have to eat? There are days when I just think that I shouldn’t bother getting excited about something. It always seems to either be too good to be true or falls apart.  Maybe not everything, but it feels that way tonight.  *sigh*

Mom (who doesn’t work on Mondays) was doing some research and listening to the news.  I had told her about my plan for paying off my debts and she had been doubtful.  Isn’t there a clause somewhere that says the truth of the cliche “mother’s always right” runs out?  I was not happy, but I had been relieved.  I was doing something about my debt and was on my way out of debt in the next 33 months.  *sigh*  I should have known it was too good to be true.

Mom watched the news and saw a report on debt and the ways out there to settle it.  She had me watch the six o’clock news to see if they would re-run the report that they had run during the five o’clock  news (they did not) but I did check their web page and found this.  The news station is KDKA channel 2 in Pittsburgh, PA, related to the first broadcast radio station KDKA 1020.  That was disheartening, but it got worse when I went over to ConsumerReport.org.  This article was the most helpful to me.

This quote made me think (once I had read it and not heard just heard it from Mom):

“It’s possible to negotiate down the debt that you owe to a fraction of what it was before. In fact, bank officials that we talked to said they don’t give any better deals to the debt companies than they do to individuals that call them up personally,” said Tiernan.

Grant it I was very upset when Mom called and told me this. I don’t like to be wrong and once I have a plan settled on in my mind, I really like to stick with it. I’m not very fond of change.  Crying, yelling, swearing – it wasn’t pretty.  I was in my car and alone.  That’s probably the only good thing about it. lol  I’ve been in a pretty poor mood all evening, truth be told, and I’m hoping blogging it out will help.

So what am I going to do now?  I’m going to call the credit card companies.  To be honest, I’m really scared about it.  I don’t like confrontation at all and even more so when I’m feeling desperate.  I’m not sure how much they are going to be willing to help me, but I am going to give it a shot before I take my next step.  I’ll start with Bank of America and go on from there.  I may have to do them one at a time.  I don’t know.  I don’t know how much I can afford to pay.  I should figure that though, shouldn’t I?

The moral of the story? Never go against your mother.  She almost always ends up being right.

I’ve had a couple people ask me what happened today and its not just one thing. Its been a day long event. Here we go!

I got up a half hour early due to a closed bridge on my route. I was so happy. Its amazing how things can change. I walked out my door and closed it not stopping in enough time to keep it from closing. Why did I need to keep the door from closing you ask? Well, the door was locked and my keys were still inside. Its now 430 in the morning and my day was just beginning.

Remembering that Tom had told me that it was “easy” to break into our apartment, I tried. With his help and without his help. All I got was a damaged card and some blisters. Oh, and all hot and sweaty. Really sweaty. He said call you mom; she has a key to your car and you can still go into work. I’d be late and half to leave early to get back in the aparment to keep from paying $200+ to get back in. So I call Mom, get her out of bed and she heads up here. We’re having a horrible time staying connected. But she comes.

We knew it was going to set the car alarm off, but having been assured that yes the car would start we went for it. Well, the alarm did go off but the car did not start. *sigh* At this point Mom and I head for McDonald’s to get something to eat. We stay there till 745. Mom says JC Penny’s is opening early so we head over there so she can show me the dress she likes. Its not open. So we go shopping. And finally head over to the office to get the door unlocked.

Mr Maintenance Man had to come from his house so it looked like I was going to have to stay even longer. Luckily I got my first break of the day. One of the nice ladies who work in the office goes over to my apartment with me and lets me in. Mom gets her cup and I head for work.

I made it to work okay, but then the trouble started up again. They had me crossed off the list. I had called and told them I was going to be late and possibly not be there at all but that I was going to try to make it in. I go to the seat that they have to be in and someone’s sitting there. There is an open seat, but there’s no chair. I steal a chair and log in. I should mention at this point that I’m in one of the new dual stations and unlike everybody else the never trained me to use it. But the girls next to me said they would help. I log in and try to get into Enterprise. It won’t let me. I try again. Still no luck. They say shut down and restart so I do. The say what are you going into. I say Citrix and they say no, you have to go into alpha gateway. *sigh* So I go in there and it lets me in. However it is running like frozen mollasses. So I restart. Again. Still running slow.

I go back to the lead, Greg, and tell him my problem. He says to go to G9. I log out and grab all my stuff (jacket, purse, lunchbox, backpack, and cup) and head there. I log in and the computer won’t let me in on either side (I was in a multiple station which has two computers). I go back to Greg and he says let me see. He then says go to A. I log out and grab a seat over there. He’s still with me and I try to log in to both sides of the A station (it was a multiple, too). One side I have no luck, the other side I hit paydirt. He says stay in singles and try again in about 15 minutes and leaves me be. I go and sign the board because its taken over 20 minutes to get to a point where I can actually work. This gets my punch changed and prevents my numbers from dropping. I start working. I try the other side – no luck. I wait and try again. Yay! It works! So I punch into multiples and start working. I get one done and look! Its time for lunch.

I go to lunch and find out Gerry’s was fired yesterday, just like I had thought. Becky, Stacey, and Maryanne all know that their probation is being extended. I haven’t heard a thing about mine. Lovely, more to worry about all weekend. We hear that the schedules been changed and head over to check it out.

My seat (B33) is now highlighted and it says to go into Tampa. So I log out of the A station, grab all my stuff (again) and head for B33. I log in there and we’re talking. In the meeting yesterday they had said specifically that if you’re in a new dual station stay in it all day. So Becky goes and asks the supervisor on duty and he says no. Go into Tampa. We then realize that the stations we’re working in won’t go into Tampa. Another girl went and asked and we’re told to go to A or G. So I log out and grab all my stuff and head back to my A station. I log in and another break. They both work. So I head back to the board to log my problems and have my punches corrected again. I work.

I develop a really sore knee, a headache, tension pain in my neck and shourlders. By the end of the day I feel tired and kinda cryey. I decided that this would not be good for me to go to the party with. *sigh* I really wanted to go to the party. My friends already think that a) I’m flakey and B) I can’t be counted on and I don’t want to perpetuate that. But I’m basically done in. I also had told the SCK that there was a good chance that I wouldn’t be there due to the fact that I have to get up at 3 in the morning. That’s right – 3 am. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Tom all day (and I’ve tried three times). He did call me while I was working but I couldn’t answer then. He finally calls and I go home.

Nope, it doesn’t stop there. I get home and go to make macaroni and cheese with hot dog in it. I reach down to pull out the drawer beneath the oven which has all the pots and pans. It won’t open. I get down on the floor (with the sore knee, tension in the neck and shoulders and painful back), practically pull the door front off and can’t figure out why it won’t open. I push it in a little and pull back – voila! It opens. *sigh*

I finish eating. The whole time I’ve been having connection problems with Tom. Then I get diarrhea. I try to take a nap, but it doesn’t work. Tom wakes me (apparently I did fall asleep) and I go to take my pills. I get them out, pick them up, and realize I don’t have anything to drink. I grab it, come out to the living room, grab my computer, and sit down. Firefox crashes. Digsby crashes. I get them both restarted and the connection isn’t very good. Most of the FF pages won’t load and Digsby won’t connect. They finally do start working and that brings me to this point.

That is my bad day, but there were some bright points. I got to spend time with Mom. I got to get some groceries. I found out what happened to Gerry. I got to lie down in my bed. Most importantly – I panicked for 15 seconds or less and that was it. True, I did cry a tiny bit after work, but nothing like my depression and anxiety normally would have had me doing. Being off those pills is awesome! Sometimes I think that God does things like this to me so I know how much I can handle. Thank God.

Well, here’s what’s been going on.  I had my gall bladder out on Monday.  I don’t have to go back to work till next Wednesday.  I was approved for Short Term Disability.

I’m pretty sure Tom’s gotten his dream back.  I don’t want to say anything more because I don’t want to jinx it.  But it is amazing how God moves in people’s lives.

Mom had a tooth crack and it was removed.  That was giving her a lot of pain.  This is her first day bak at work since Thursday. She had to stay home with me Monday and yesterday which gave her two more days to recover.

Dad and Kathy came to the hospital with me.  I wasn’t sure I wanted them there, but got scared and called them Monday morning and they still came.  I wish Tom would have been able to have been there, but I know what he was doing was important.  I can’t wait to talk to him later.

Tom has Verizon on one of his phones. I have Verizon.  This means we can talk to each other on these phones at any hour of the day and not have to worry about going over minutes.  This is a good thing.  I know we used over a thousand peak minutes last month.  But I did have to get a texting plan.  So if you want to text me, you can!

Yes, I’ll probably be spammy this week as I get feeling better.  Its been a long time since I’ve had time to sit at the computer for any length of time.  Tom and I usually stay out too late!

I think tis time for me to go lie down and think about my sin of eating something too complicated too soon.  Don’t worry.  I’ll be back.

Stolen from nancypaynter who stole it from someone else. I don’t know who that someone else is, but here are my answers.

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their lives, and all of a sudden you think, “Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???” And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers, putting yours in their places, and then post the result in your journal. Please elaborate on the questions which would benefit from elaboration! One-word-answers seldom help anyone out.

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My view of the world is a very negative one.

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Good evening one and all.  Its that time yet again.  Time for me to let all of you know my fun and exciting plans for the week.  We shall have to see if this week could possibly be any more exciting than the last one!

5/12 – Monday morning.  Work.  If I’m lucky, it won’t be raining when I’m trying to walk to the building.  We’ll probably go grocery shopping after work.  We didn’t go today.

5/13 – Tuesday.  I could call and see if I’m still welcome at the Tuesday night group, but I probably won’t get the courage to do so.  That means NCIS with mom.  Maybe do some cleaning.  *shrug*

5/14 – Wednesday.  Work, again.  Tonight I have therapy.  That should be interesting.  I still don’t have my homework done.  I don’t know when I will get it done.  Probably five minutes before I go in.  Yeah, procrastination combined with no clue as to what answers to provide.

5/15 – Thursday.  PAYDAY!  Nothing to do tonight.  I’m supposed to call my PCP and give her an update on how I’m doing, stomach-wise.  She works late tonight, so even if I forget to call while I’m at work, I’ll have the chance to do it once I get home.

5/16 – FRIDAY!  Last day of work for the week.  Again, nothing exciting.  Story of my life.

5/17 – Saturday.  I get to sleep in!  Probably more cleaning – Mom and I would like to get the house all nice and pretty.  She’s got some work to do in her room and that’s more her stuff, but I do have some stuff in the dining room to clean up.  And I can sweep and vacuum.  Put my books away.  General stuff like that.

5/18 – Sunday.  Yet another attempt to go to church.  I’m kinda scared to go, which isn’t making exactly motivated to go.  Laundry.  Sundays are laundry days.  If we’re lucky we’ll go grocery shopping so we won’t have to do it Monday night.

Weekly expected weather – Rain.  Cooler temps. High sixties as highs, forties as lows.  Chance for thunderstorms on Wednesdays.  That might be cool.  Monday’s high is only 49, but by Wednesday we should be hitting 70.  It gets colder from then on out.  And did I mention the rain?

We’ll see a week from now how the week went.

Stealing from Sarah

4/28 – Well, its kinda over for me. Its 8:55 pm and I’m about to go to bed. Just had work today. It was awful. I felt awful. If I had been able to, I would have gone home at about 10 am. Last 45 minutes of the day sucked horribly. I wish my supervisor would make up her mind. But, clean room, candle lighted, room lighted up, computer and kitty so much better now. If only my stomach would agree….

4/29 – Tuesday. Guess what! I’m going to that joy-filled place known as work. Once again I’ll be racing through my reports trying to get them done early enough. And helping out with wires. I wonder if Kiera will be there. She might have gone into labor this afternoon. Just what I need – my back up to go missing on me. Poor Kiera, though. She’s not due till June.

4/30 – Pay day! I get to go to all my billing websites and pay my bills. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Discover (this month and next month), MBNA (which is really Bank of America, but it was MBNA when I got the card!), and phone. Well, can’t quite pay the phone yet. The bill won’t be ready until after the 4th of May. Silly Verizon. Also find out what my employee discount will get me in the way of car insurance. If it goes like the quotes I got today, I’ll be sticking with what I have, even if it did go up $98 for no apparent reason. Oh yeah, I have therapy today. Joy.

5/1 – Just another day. Maybe getting some laundry done – my bed, I think. Though its a risky thing to do on a short night. Might have to stay up late letting it dry. Must empty the dishwasher. And it’s Thursday – trash day.

5/2 – Friday! One last day at work and I get to go home to my nice clean kitchen and room. Did I mention I cleaned up the kitchen this weekend?

5/3 – Yay! I get to sleep in. Or wake up and go back to sleep, however you want to describe it. Must work on dining room and solve the weekly dilemma – whether or not to go to Seeds. Probably won’t happen. Damn Terry.

5/4 – Maybe this Sunday I’ll wake up early enough to check out St. Stephens. Must find church. So far Mom’s liked Sharon Presby and I like St. Phillip’s. Twill be interesting to see what the service is like. If I can wake up early enough. Laundry day.

So that’s my week. It will also be cold, wet, and, thank God, not snowy. I like all the spring flowers, but ’tis almost time for them to be gone. Petals are falling. The grass in the backyard looks like it has dandruff. And the clock strikes nine o’clock. (Okay, so its a few minutes and an hour off. I won’t tell if you won’t!)

Edit: 5/2 – getting together with Knitting Mama.

Yeah. I know. I posted about that. I think I’m in the wedding, but I’m not positive. I asked her to let me know, but have gotten no response to that email. *sigh* Since I’m going to be in it I have to look good, right? The only problem is that I don’t. I know I can’t outshine my sister (and that would be very hard to do so I won’t even try), but I would like to look good in my own right. Bridesmaid dresses aren’t very forgiving. My face is slowing getting worse (I haven’t been taking care of it like I should) and I weigh way too much. And I don’t want to hear a lot of people saying that I look fine and that its all in my head. I have approximately 30 to 40 lbs to lose. Can you tell by looking at me straight on? Not really. Sideways? Oh yes. My stomach sticks out farther than my boobs. That’s called being overweight. Heck, with the tight restrictions they now have on weight and height, I might even qualify as obese. I’m up to a size 16 pant (okay, so its a little loose – I have to wear a belt, but you try finding pants that come between a 14 and a 16. I dare you) and an extra large aka 1X top. I’ve picked good tops – its hard to tell when I’m in them that I’m overweight. I know the deal – eat right, exercise, etc. I am getting more exercise than I was when I was working at Coventry. Unfortunately I’ve just gained weight. I’m not good at eating right. Its linked to the depression thing. I get the urge to eat, sometimes when I’m not even hungry. And I get very hungry. I’ve been trying to cut back on food intake, at least, but its hard. I’m still hungry. I eat breakfast between 8 and 8:15. I’m hungry by 10:30. I eat lunch between 1 and 1:30. I’m hungry by five. And I’m not talking about a little hunger either. I’m talking about huge hunger – sometimes so much so that I get short tempered and have trouble concentrating. I’m hungry now, but I’ve already gotten ready for bed tonight so no more food for me. The only way I’ve ever lost weight was to stop eating food at work. I did that for Lent one year. I fasted while I was at work. I don’t know if I should do that again this year. But not eating is not the proper way to lose weight. I know that. Yet I’m so exhausted when I get home from work and so dang hungry that I don’t have what it takes to make meals. I don’t even have an recipies. I suppose I should buck up and just do it. I suppose that I should look forward to the point in time when I do lose weight and do feel better about myself. And I should find the time to exercise. I could do it. If I had the energy. The answers seem so simple, but the task are monumental. I don’t know if I can do it. Maybe I’ll fast while I’m at work for Lent again and try to pick up with healthy eating habits at work and at home. *sigh* I’m so tired of it all. Its lines of thinking like this that make me not want to go on. Okay, so what’s the plan – Wednesday starts Lent, right? I’ll eat breakfast, either at home or at work. But not both. I’ll drink water instead of eating morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack. I’ll come home and make one of our dinners and maybe both Mom and I will eat something better than what we have been. No more cookies. No more pie. No more cake. No more milkshakes. No more of any of the stuff that makes me feel better. Tell me again, what’s the point of living if you’re miserable? Cause I’m going to spend probably the next two to three years being miserable. Then again, does it really matter anyways?

Its been over ten days since I posted. That’s a long time. What have I been up to? Well, the truth is not much. I get up at 5/530 every day and don’t get home from work until about six. On Tuesdays I have to drive back across town for small group and on Wednesdays I go straight to the chiropracter. *sigh* I just don’t have that much energy when I get home. I’m so tired. I have no idea if I’m going to adjust to this or spend the next unknown amount of years feeling tired every weekday. I’m hoping for the former. Really hoping for the former. As you all know my sister got engaged less than a month than a month ago. So I’ve resolved to lose 30 to 40 lbs by 6/6/09. I’m not doing so well with this so far. I’ve actually gained weight since I started working. Since I’m doing a lot more walking I am more than a little confused. Does sitting on a bus cause weight gain? Maybe I’m just not walking fast enough. I don’t know about that one – I end up with sore shins everytime and I’m sure as heck trying to get out of the cold! The cold is bearable (I’m good at bundling up) but I’m definately not looking forward to the summer. It can get so hot.

I’ve gotten my finances all worked out. For the next five years. And I’ve already done my taxes. I want that refund. With that I should be able to pay off one card by May. Well, that’s if I can keep my personal expenses down to $250 a month. *sigh* Not going to be easy. And its going to be that way for the next two and a half years. *double sigh* That’s everything – gas, prescriptions, food, etc. I’m not going to have any play money. And I probably won’t have any for the next two and a half years. Are we getting the theme here? I may have to stop my chiro appts. I’m not sure if I can afford them. I already owe them something like $78. I still don’t have my health cards for insurance that was supposed to start on January 2. I’m still waiting for my new debit card and pin number. Yes, I changed banks. Again. Citizen has ATMs in the lobby. Its that easy. Anyways, I went to pay all my bills yesterday but I was only able to hit one of the three. Changing bank accounts has caused trouble. Bank of America wants confirmation. Yes, they want me to type in the stupid little deposits they’ve made on my account. Easy enough to do, right? Just hop on the bank’s web site and look them up. Sorry folks, its not that easy. I have to have my atm card number in order to sign up for my online banking. I haven’t received the atm card. So I have to remember to do all that next week after I get the atm card. I have to change my pay pal account, though I’m not sure why. I’m not going to be buying anything on ebay or at my fave sites. Anyways, I try to pay my verizon bill – they don’t have it ready. I just wanted to get them all done in one fell swoop. Apparently I have delusions of grandeur. I probably won’t be able to keep to my payment schedule which will extend the amount of time and money I have to pay on the second credit card. I will pay one of the two off this year.

Okay, so there’s your update. I’m exhausted so I’m off to bed.

No, silly, not for me. But this is the weekend of engagements. My sister is now engaged to her longtime boyfriend (ha! He’s her fiance now!) and Ellen and Justin became engaged at church Saturday night (and I was going to go, too. Darn it!) I guess I’ll have to wait to see both of the rings (maybe I’ll sneak over to small group on Tuesday night!) So happiness and joy to all the affianced!

Sig by Sarah