Just when I think things are getting under  control, I realize that I miscalculated things.  At this point I honestly don’t know what to do.  I have to work at least 10 to 12 hours of overtime a week between now and October in order to make ends meet.  It’s not going to happen.  It hit me last night when they put up that there was no need for overtime last night.  There’s also no need for overtime tonight.  That’s 4 hours I’m not going to be able to work.  I should be able to work on Friday although I don’t know about tomorrow night.  So that’s 7.5 hours for the week.  I doubt there will be OT on Sunday either.  Now I have to decide if I sign up for Saturday.  I could work 10 – 4:30 which would give me another 6.5 hours, but it also means I could end up working every day for God only knows how long.  I’m not sure how long my wrist could take that.  As it is right now it’s very painful doing certain things and that’s with me wearing a wrist brace.  My left wrist seems to be doing better than my right one, but again, who knows how long that might last.  So I have to figure out what I need to give up this summer.  No going out, no nails, no shopping, no eating out, no Pirates games, etc.  I guess it’s a good thing I’m used to eating ramen noodles for dinner.  And this isn’t even counting car repairs and doctors visits.  Forget about getting my cavities filled – I’ll just have to let my teeth fall out.  At least my generic medications are free.

Right now I’m saying I’ll never date again.  Every time recently I give too much, get too little, and end up broke when it’s over with.  Who knows? I may end up on the street before this is over.  I saw Mom’s list of rules and since I’m working full time I have to pay rent on time every month.  Which might just mean not paying the minimum payments on my credit cards every month which is just going to ruin my credit even more and increase the already long projected time to pay them off.  And no, I don’t use the damn things and haven’t in over a year.  Well, once, for groceries because I didn’t have my debit card.  So if I decide not to pay her, or not pay her on time only God knows what will happen.  And Tom was telling me yesterday that things are going to get better.  What a load of crap.  Of course he was also telling me that people making minimum wage can manage to live on their own so why can’t I?  Yeah, I wanted to belt him.   If he actually gives me money between now and when we move out I might be able to afford my inspection and car repairs.  I might be able to get the alignment done.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not really sure if I have the time or energy for a second job.  Nor am I sure what I’d be able to do.  And it seems that everyone and everything wants me to donate money to something or the other.  *sigh* As if I didn’t have enough to feel guilty over.  Maybe I can sell some of my books, though I hate to do that.  Yeah, life pretty much sucks and I don’t see it getting better.