Well, my last post was different than this post will be.  I haven’t posted yet so far because I’ve been busy.  I’ve been doing a lot of overtime.  A lot.  I will be doing a lot of overtime until at least October.  Yeah, one of the advantages of having a spreadsheet forecasting out expenses and income is that you can tell when you’re just not going to be able to make ends meet.  *sigh*  My wrists are killing me.  I worked on 16 out of the last 19 days (including today and two of the days on which I didn’t work were yesterday and today).  I have my wrist braces and have been wearing them for the most part.  Because I have been doing so much OT the leads decided to teach me how to do singles one night when Alpha was down.  (And no, I don’t expect you to know what Alpha or singles are.)   Twice last week there was VTO and not only did I not take it, I worked 2 hours of OT on those nights.  One of the nice things (for me) is that if they offer OT they can’t cancel it.  But I did have work both nights I stayed when there was VTO so it all worked out.

I was actually totally off meds for almost two weeks, but between everything in my life falling apart and the depression, I decided to start taking Wellbutrin.  Unlike the last two it hasn’t (yet) made me more depressed or motion sick.  Nor has it increased my appetite.  I’m actually eating less now than I was before.  I’m thinking that once I get to Mom’s I might start the Couch to 5K program. Although, since I’ll be working at least 50 hours a week, I might not have the time or the energy.  It’s not well lit at night so I don’t know that I can run after work.  I could try doing it before work. Now that I’m not getting up at 4:30 am I have energy in the morning.  Yeah, I do a lot better on a 2pm to 12:30 am schedule.  I could do a video before work then.  Mom won’t be home so I won’t be disturbing her.

I didn’t talk to anyone on the phone between 3/27 and 4/2.  Unless you count the OT line, but that’s a recording so I don’t.  I didn’t have much interaction with people.  I did next two people and made plans for Saturday.  I worked my tail off.  I was alone, but you know what?  I wasn’t lonely.  I didn’t cry all week.  I didn’t get angry.  I didn’t argue with anyone.  I almost feel guilty, but I didn’t miss Tom.  I must be a cold bitch to feel that way.  Friday I had an appointment with Melissa.  She was shocked that I broke up with Tom.  Shocked.  When I explained she said that she was glad that I was standing up for myself.  I was thinking and this is the first time in years that I’ve done that consistently.  I’m not the person I was a year ago.  Getting rid of the over abundance of meds has made a difference.

I feel like I have to learn who I am again.  I have to find out what I like and what I want to do.  I’m actually interested in doing things.  I made plans this past weekend and saw people.  People said I was different.  I am.  I have to find out where I’m going and what I want to do.  I’ve made changes in my life recently and I think I will be making more changes.  I’m not going to put with what I have in the past.  I’m not going to continually go out of my way for people who won’t help me.  Some of the things that go to me, don’t.  Some of the things I let go by, I no longer do.  I’m going to keep going and see where this takes me.