My Unimpressive life
There are days when I don’t really like my life. Well, it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s that I don’t find it all that impressive. It usually happens around the time I see my sister. She showed up on Thanksgiving and wouldn’t you know it, I’ve been cry-y all day. She noticed that I had lost weight, but freaked when she found out I was off of my low carb diet. She asked me if I was engaged yet and then proceeded to tell me that I should wait six years before getting married. I guess she really doesn’t want me to have children. I’ll be 36 by then. That’s a little old for that type of thing. Mom had us when she was 30 and 32 and was the oldest mom at the bus stop. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t want kids. Not that I know when I’ll every get proposed to. Tom is insisting on buying me a diamond even though I’ve told him that I’d be perfectly happy with an Epiphany engagement ring. Then again, I don’t know how I would afford a wedding. I have so much debt. And I never could afford one that could compare to my sister’s. I do have a gorgeous wedding gown that I love with all the trimmings (though I would have to find the shoes), but…I don’t know. She had her’s at Phipp’s Conservatory. I could never afford a place that nice. She had everything so nice. Our CA relatives (and their children from various parts of the US) flew/drove in for her wedding. Including our 92 year old grandfather. I don’t think they’d do that for mine. Debbie flies out and sees all of them all the time. She knows our cousins and our cousins children. I don’t. They would come out if Grandpa was coming because we all know our time is short with him. If he came to this coast for anything (cause most of the cousins are in MA area) they’d come for it. I don’t think he’ll be around in 6 years. Of course, it may be six years before I can afford a wedding. Tom wants a big wedding, too. I’m thinking more of sneaking off to Vegas or Fl or one of the Carolinas and getting married. Maybe on the beach. No pressure. I’d fail, but I wouldn’t fail in front of everyone else.
I feel so lonely these days. I rarely see anyone. People are too busy to see me. They have families and children and lives. I don’t think I have much in common with them anymore. We have memories, but they all are from years gone by (think high school and college). They don’t invite me places (though the Steel City Knitter did invite me for Thanksgiving). Once again I feel like I don’t belong. Tom loves me, but he’s away for most of the week and goes to bed before I get off of work every night. Mom loves me, but she’s an hour away and again, goes to bed before I get off of work. Dad and Kathy love me, but I think they are the busiest of them all. Kit Kit and Jack love me. I get kisses from them. But I’m having a rough day and I don’t feel loved right now.
All through growing up great things were expected of me. I was an honor’s student, in GATE clases and advanced science and math courses. I sang, which I don’t do anymore. I was in musicals. I performed. I took part in things. I was in advanced classes in college as well. It was expected that I would go into math or science and do great things, make money, and make people proud. I didn’t do that. I changed from meteorology to English in college and then dropped out. I started temping and fell in love with data entry. I got a good job at a bank downtown earning a lot of money and I didn’t like it. I hated it, in fact. So I went back to data entry. I moved up in my data entry position and am now making more than I did at the bank job, but come on – it’s data freakin’ entry. Not complicated. Not difficult, unless you count reading handwriting as difficult. Although, it’s not. I love my job. I do it ten hours a day, four days a week. I’m fairly good at it, too. But I don’t do anything special, or complicated, or important. Debbie went to college, learned to fly, graduated early, got a job as a pilot, moved up in the ranks, married a pilot, has a house, makes money, is not in debt, and doesn’t have a huge list of failures in her portfolio. The only ones of those that I’ve done is gone to college and moved up in the ranks. Not especially impressive. And apparently I’m bossy, too. And know-it-all. Both Mom and Tom said I was. No wonder the ones who truly want me around are Tom, Mom, Jack, and Kit Kit. I don’t think I would want me around either. 
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First off: stop comparing your life to your sister’s. You’re two different people. Also, ignore what she says. Seriously. Just pretend you’re listening and forget it when she’s done. Don’t let her get to you. Sounds like the bitchy “pretty” sister who is used to having all the attention on her and can’t stand it if it’s not.
Second: 36 is not too old to be having kids. Trust me, it’s not. If you want children, don’t let your sister stop you. Don’t let your age stop you.
Third: A wedding is not about where it’s at, or how much you spend on it. It’s about the love of the couple getting married. You don’t have the money, but still want to do it? Do it at the courthouse. Maximum of $200, MAXIMUM, to get it done (I think it’s $50 here, including the license). Throw a party after, or go out to dinner. Who cares, because it’s only about you and Tom.
Fourth: the ring doesn’t matter. A ring isn’t even necessary for an engagement. It’s not required for a marriage either.
*hugs*
.-= Sarah @ TM2TS´s last blog ..Leftovers FTW =-.
1. yeah, I know. I don’t usually do it unless I run into her. Which I’m trying to avoid at all costs these days.
2. Honestly, I don’t want kids. Honest. I feel guilty about that sometimes, especially since I know that Tom would like to have kids.
3. I don’t think Tom will go for a JP wedding. That’s what his last one was. I would like a church, or somewhere outside that’s nice, if I could.
4. The ring is VERY important to Tom. It’s more about what he wants than what I want. I would be very happy with a $25 Platinum clad diamonique ring. He wants to get me a diamond because he got the rest of the girls diamonds and I’m more precious than they are. *sigh* When did what I want stop mattering?
Thanks for the hugs. *hugz*
Misty had a church wedding, but something small. You might ask her about it (GeekLover on Plurk).
Honestly, talk to him. Make him listen when it comes to the ring. Josh is the same way. I’m wanting to upgrade my ring, and I have a set amount in mind, and I found the one I wanted but he was like “No, I want this one for you,” and it cost double what the one I picked out was (at least it was the same style,
).
You are more than welcome!!
.-= Sarah @ TM2TS´s last blog ..Leftovers FTW =-.
Tell your sister to suck it cuz you lost weight without even trying. Why do you need the low carb if you’re losing anyway? It’s not healthy to lose too much too fast.
However you want your wedding is the way to do it. That’s why it’s your wedding. A friend told me “The wedding day is the bride’s day, everyone else, even the groom just gets to attend.” This day is about your love.
You might be surprised how cheaply you can do a nice wedding, or how quickly. Andy and I spent less than $1,000 and we had a beautiful day. You don;t even have to invite your sister. I didn’t invite my brother.
I planned each charted course -
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way.
.-= Misty´s last blog ..The one where I talk about Bawls. =-.
I do think she is jealous. I was supposed to be on low carb to lower my triglycerides. I’m also supposed to exercise 30 minutes a day. Not happening. lol. Some of your pictures were gorgeous! You spent less than $1000? Wow! I’m impressed. Thanks.
See!! Told you!!
And I do agree with Missy. She’s just jealous. Honestly, that’s exactly how it sounds. She sounds like a spoiled little child, to be honest.
.-= Sarah @ TM2TS´s last blog ..Pictures … Thanksgiving Cooking =-.
Yup, dress from Bridal warehouse (like $100)
) from 2 different places here
Andy’s suit from a going out of business clothier (about $150?)
Church rental (around 200–it might have only been $100 with a deposit of $50 ahead of time… They gave us the wrong quote at first, so it’s hard to be sure.)
Flower girl dress from going out of business clothier (about $40)
Andy’s ring ($99 from Riddles online)
My rings (total about $250–around $75 from the actual wedding fund since my engagement ring didn’t come from it
Bridesmaid bought her own dress, Best Man wore his own suit, so did my dad
Ring bearers pillow ($1, from Target’s Dollar spot. It’s actually a dog toy, it squeaked) fake rings on it like $2?
flowers ($15 from Hyvee, I bought 2 or 3 bouquets)
Ribbon tying them from Michal’s $3
makeup from Mary Kay.. b/c I went to David’s Bridal I got a free consult/party and a bunch of free stuff from them
Jewelry was a necklace my grandma gave me (old and blue) earrings were $5
Shoes were under $20… added insoles, so maybe like $25 by the end?
Andy’s mom did the ribbons on the pews in the chapel, and got the petals for the flower girl. Flower girl’s mom brought the basket.
The flower girl, the ringbearer and the piano player are all kids I’ve babysat for years.
Reception was at my favorite restaurant, they don’t have a rental fee as long as you get food, so we got like maybe $80 in appetizers… and all of that is rounding up… so under $990, I think… and we had extra cash at the end of the night so we stopped at hyvee and got some stuff after the reception, before going to the hotel.
Oh, and the marriage license was $35 here. I might have just paid that out of my account rather than the wedding fund. not sure.
.-= Misty´s last blog ..The one where I talk about Bawls. =-.
Wow! That is impressive. So far I’ve paid for shoes. Mom bought the dress and stuff. Congrats on the inexpenisve win!
Thank you. I find that if you know what you like and start working sort of early and can enlist help, it’s way easier. I say start early, but we decided in January to just move it up and we got married in March… so we were hurried, but it all worked out. Doing it on St. Pat’s was actually really helpful. Chose a color scheme (all green, pretty much any green!) for us and made the $1 dog pillow work!
Hey Krissy,
I usually don’t read your blogs, or anyone’s for that matter, but I was clicking around and found this… Sorry you were having a rough day (not really sure how to figure out what day this was… I’m not really good at navigating these blog things!). I do want you to know that you are loved by us, (I think I can speak for Ian too…) Sorry If it may not appear that way in the amount of contact we have or how much we talk or any of that, but you are thought of and loved! As Ian posted on fb we were reading your story during our Thanksgiving travels and I am impressed and am enjoying the story so far and can’t wait to get to the end. I’ll tell you more after we finish what we have (we are on page 40ish.
About the wedding stuff and rings, I didn’t want a diamond… ’cause a lot of diamonds come from mines in Africa retrieved by little kids, who don’t get paid a lot obviously and work under really dangerous conditions where the children often get injured or killed. Maybe that would quelch Tom’s mindset on getting a diamond for you. I think Ian got my amethyst (b/c I like purple) ring online at http://www.antiquejewlerymall.com It makes new rings from antique patterns, with whatever stone you want. you could check it out.
Also you don’t have to wait 6 years, that seems like eternity to get to be with the one you love… I think we got married 6 months after we were engaged. Once we knew, we didn’t want to wait. The wedding day is about you and Tom, not everyone else under the sun… I could get on my soapbox but I won’t, just suffice to say the whole wedding industry is a racket (sp?) to get people to spend money they don’t have on one day, when what really matters is the marriage and how two people are suppose to survive the pressures of life. So many people spend too much money on one event and spend nothing on the things that matter like, how a couple communicates, or how they resolve conflict or how they listen to each other (I’m not saying you two don’t think about these things, I’m just going off on the whole industry!). Anyway a wedding day should be about what matter to the both of you and what you two want and not what the world says you should have, or do. OK enough of that.
Not sure if any of this is helpful but those are just some thoughts.
Oh another thought I had while reading your post is that your job really does matter… think about all those people out there whose perscriptions YOU process…they are pretty much dependent you to get their drugs, and for them to be correct, and which can be life sustaining or at least very important for maintaining their health, your job matters to them, even though you will never see or meet them.
Ok I think that’s enough for now, hope you are feeling well today… *hugs*
Late to this but here goes. Wedding: I’d say screw the rest of your family and get your Grandfather’s blessing and include him somehow. That will be something you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Screw the others. Find a small church near him and do it! It ain’t about a ring, a dress, or a huge church wedding. Unfortunately weddings are heroin for women. How many huge wonderful weddings are held and years later a sad silent divorce is the end? I’m wearing a $20 dollar sterling silver wedding ring which I love as if it were a diamond. Who says Tom can’t get you a diamond later on? An anniversary present? It’s not how big it is.. it’s what it represents! Richard and I were in the same place you and Tom are now. We couldn’t afford a huge wedding, hell he was unemployed! So we made do, did what we could, and we’ve been married for.. 11 years in April. Marriage is about supporting each other through the rough times in life. Congratulations! If you’re going through some of those rough times now and you’re both sticking it out then that’s a good sign for the relationship!
Don’t compare yourself to your sister. You’re NOT your sister! And it seems that quite a few people care about you…
Don’t allow yourself to sink into the hell-hole of judging yourself by others expectations of you. If you’re happy doing what you want… screw them! The best thing I ever did was quit worrying about what other people thought about me!