I cleaned the apartment (with the exception of the back room, but we’re not counting that)!  I did all the dishes, wiped the counter, cleaned the stove, swept, Swiffered, sorted mail, threw out tons of stuff, organized clothing (clean and dirty), vacuumed, and I don’t even know what else.  LOL.  But its clean.  It took a lot of energy and sweat.  I even cleaned the kitty litter!  I have bags of trash stashed different places, and tons of dirty clothes in the closet, but that’s stuff that Tom’s going to take care of that while he’s on vacation.  It might take him all day to do the laundry, but he’ll get it done.  All of the trash bags are light, which will make it easier on him.  I also exercised today.  I might have skipped it had I known I was going to clean the apartment.  But its clean.  And its almost time to go to bed.  I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow!  Must get kitty litter, breakfast stuff, and lunch stuff.  And some dinner stuff.  I feel so much better having the apartment clean.  I’ve never had an apartment this clean.  Maybe Wednesday I’ll buy a lock and take a look at the back room.  Or maybe not. LOL.  But it’s clean!!!!

Just another worthless Wednesday…. No I didn’t get anything done today (other than reading and talking to Tom).  I was going to go to Charissa’s bible study but I forgot to set my alarm.  Woke up too late to go to that one.  She invited me to come to tea, but I didn’t get that until late in the afternoon.  *sigh*  I didn’t get to my mother’s to do taxes and laundry.  I also did not feel like getting dressed and going out today.  Although my depression seems to be getting better, it’s still keeping me lazy and home bound.  I make it to work, but that’s about it.  Two days of work coming up then two days off.  I never work more than two days in the row.  Isn’t that awesome?  And Tom isn’t insisting that I do overtime.  Isn’t he awesome?  He’s the best man I know.  He’s so supportive and understanding.  He doesn’t yell at me for my depression and he doesn’t think there’s something wrong with me for taking meds.  I love him.

Well, I fell back asleep twice this morning. I didn’t get my shower (let’s all say it at the same time – ewww!) and I was late to work (Ack!!!). I remembered to call in on the call in line and say I was going to be late. I couldn’t find the schedule when I got in so Karen found out where I sat and where I should be working. I got a middle seat in G pod. It was so hot. I never cooled down, all day. I was downing ice water (till the ice machine ran out of ice, that is) and I was in a t-shirt, but I was sweating all day (let’s all say it together again – ewww!). I had a headache and my forehead was clammy. I don’t know if I had a fever or not, but I felt awful all day.
Of course, I didn’t tell the people at work that I fell back asleep and that was why I was late. I told them that although I was running late, I did have time and came out to find a tow truck parked at the end of the parking lot, blocking the way. Yes, I lied. I’m horrible. Shoot me now. Well, my supervisor was very nice about it (I like her!) and said that because there was overtime available today that I could make up the time. So I did. It got cooler (that’s a relative term – I was still sweating) once people left at 530. Hopefully I don’t do this again any time soon.
But I don’t have to go to work tomorrow so yay!

Monday, February 9, 2009

• Work
• Eat dinner
• Play with Kit
• Talk to Tom
• Take pills
• Nag Sarah about reading my story
• Go to sleep

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

• Work
• Deposit paycheck
• Eat dinner
• Play with Kit
• Talk to Tom
• Take pills
• Nag Sarah about reading my story
• Go to sleep

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

• Eat dinner
• Play with Kit
• Talk to Tom
• Take pills
• Nag Sarah about reading my story
• Go to sleep

Thursday, February 12, 2009

• Work
• Eat dinner
• Play with Kit
• Talk to Tom
• Take pills.
• Nag Sarah about reading my story
• Go to sleep

Friday, February 13, 2009

• Work
• Eat dinner
• Play with Kit
• Talk to Tom
• Take pills
• Nag Sarah about reading my story
• Go to sleep

Saturday, February 14, 2009

• Sleep
• Eat
• Talk to Tom
• Work on story
• Sleep

Sunday, February 15, 2009

• Go to church (?)
• Laundry
• Taxes
• Go to sleep

But I’m up.  I forgot to get one of my meds filled and the withdrawal is keeping me up.  Tom’s being absolutely wonderful.  He’s making me periogies right now.  He stayed up with me.  Well, he slept on the couch while I watched The Duchess.  Sad movie.  Between that and the withdrawal I was crying.  Tom is so sweet and wonderful.  He doesn’t yell at me, even when I do things that would have upset Terry.  Like as I was backing out of the parking spot at Chili’s I saw tailights in my rearview mirror so I did the sensible thing and slammed on the brakes.  Tom was drinking Coke at that moment and it splashed into his mouth.  He didn’t yell at me.  He didn’t even yell when I got snappish in Wal-Mart.  It was so hot and I was so tired.  I don’t even know how much sleep I managed to get last night.  Well, today, too.  I’m going to try to go back to sleep, though I’m not hopeful.  I feel too lousy.  He bought me dinner, desert and a Steelers Champion shirt.  But not the one I wanted – they didn’t have that in a size big enough to fit me.   That one has the whole schedule printed on the back and on the front it has Super Bowl Champions the date and the fact that it was in Tampa.  I would hve loved that shirt.  It had everything I wanted on it.  But I was way too tired to go Wal-Mart hopping in order to find one that did fit.  Well the periogies are done so I’m off to eat.

Well, I survived.  I managed to get up at 3 in morning and get to work on time.  Early even.  Then we ran out of work.  *sigh*  But they finally gave us stuff.  Let me tell it was the LONGEST day of work I have ever done in my life.  I kept looking at the clock.  And the breaks were all messed up cause it was 6-430 instead of 7-530.  *sigh*  But we made it.  Then I came home to Tom. Yay!!!  I forgot to get the risperidone filled so I’m totally out.  I’m hoping that they will fill it in the morning.  If they don’t fill it, I’m SOL.  I hope thye will and that we won’t have to fight with the insurance company.  I will be shaking by morning.  I’m so stupid!  Hopefully, all will be well.  Night!

Good evening readers.  This post is being brought to you by the letter W and the number 9.

I worked today therefore I am tired.  I must go change my alarms so I can get up an hour earlier tomorrow morning becuase I have to be at work an hour earlier tomorrow morning.  *sigh*

That is all for tonight.  I must be getting to bed.  Sleep is neccessary.  Good night.

He got me gorgeous flowers.  And a bear.  And chocolate.  Pictures to follow once the lillies open up (that’s right, there’s lillies and daisies and roses)  :D:D:D

I hate the economy.  I hate the bills.  I hate it all.  Talking about it and how it relates to me upsets me a great deal.  I never should have left the bank.  I should have just stuck it out no matter how miserable I was.  Three weeks vacation.  $28,500 a year.  Damn it all!  I am not going to hit myself.  I will struggle through this no matter how hard it is.  There are moments when I hate being on my own, when I wish I could go to someone and ask them to just distract me from my thoughts, get me out of this mindset.  I hate this.  I hate all of it.  I don’t know how much more pressure I can take.  It seems like that’s all there is.  Tom’s talking about being layed off or having to go back to lease operator and if that happens we’ll lose everything.  I don’t earn enough to support both of us.  That’s why I should have stayed at the bank.  I could have then.  Why do I always make such disasterous decisions?

Thirteen things I want to get done today:

1. Taxes

2. Direct deposit sign up

3. Laundry

4. Dying mom’s hair

5. Dishes

6. Another blog post.

7. Not hitting myself

8. Talking to the Steel City Knitter

9. Making lunch

10. Working on my story

11. Calling Met Life

12. Changing the kitty litter

13. Reading