I feel very small and petty right now.  *sigh*

I don’t know what to say.  Its been a hard week.  I’ve been dealing with a lot of barely suppressed panic.  I’ve been off my diet cause right now I don’t think anything is going to help me look good anytime soon.  I’ve pretty much stopped taking care of myself.  I’m hot, I’m tired, and I feel all alone, even at work.  Or should I say especially at work.  I’ve stopped going to my one weekly event.  I’ve stopped going to my chiro since I’m starting therapy and have to pay for that every week.  They’re changing the bus schedule so I don’t even know if I can get there by six after this week.  Terry still won’t leave me alone.  He friended me on facebook.  I ignored it, but this is the second time.  For pity’s sake, can’t he get the message that I don’t want him in my life?  Found out someone I thought felt the same way about something doesn’t.  Oh good, I think my meds are kicking in.  I can go to sleep now.

Sig by Sarah of Sigs’N More

It feels like no one cares, and I really don’t give a damn.  I’m off to be depressed some more.

Its been a long month. Trying to fit in at work, get things down, learn what to do, etc. My depression is back. I’m trying to get into therapy, but the earliest appointment is the tenth, and I’m cancelling that one. I have one of the 12th with the group I’m already in and I’d like to stay with them. I don’t want to switch to a new group. My sister came home for the bridal show and I just wanted to die. I am nothing when compared to her. Her fiance just made captain. She goes for captain training in March/April. If she passes, she’ll be moving back in here in July. That’s going to make my life very difficult considering how utterly inferior I feel in comparison to her. Not that she shouldn’t move back in, its just - its going to be hard on me. She’s got a lot of things that I’d love to have. I don’t think I’ll ever have them. The good news - I will have one credit card paid off at the end of the month.

So I guess I’ll leave you with that good news. I’m miserable, but it doesn’t matter. This time next year I’ll almost be free.