The end of a year. Its been a long year, though its gone quickly. I think the biggest thing is that I lost a fiance. Its not such a bad thing. He’s hurt me a lot and he won’t let go. I’m probably going to see him in the next few days and I dread it. I don’t want to come into contact with him. I know I’m still vulnerable to his tale telling. I had it thrown in my face pretty severely that he lies and tells tales. It hurt me deeply. People know I don’t want to run into him. He knows I don’t want to have contact with him. Its changed my life, and not in a good way. I lost a church that I loved. I miss out on Seeds events. I don’t go into that part of the city much. I’ve blocked his emails and his im names on all of my personal emails and instant messengers. I can’t block him at work. He’s been emailing me. He’s wanted me to tell him details of the banquet. To grow up and get over it already. To talk to him and “be his friend”. Just because I was able to do that with Ian doesn’t mean that I can do it with him. Ian’s honest and trustworthy. I knew he would not try to hurt me. I can’t say that about Terry. He’s already pretty blatently ignored my wishes. He insults me and swears at me every time I tell him to leave me alone. Its another one of the reasons why I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to have to face that kind of attack. I don’t think he cares enough to not do it if I say or do something that he does not like. I’m tired. I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want a confrontation. I just don’t know if I can avoid one with the banquet and Johnstown trip.